The Drunk

[Pete Batey]

A man was in a bar and was rather drunk. He'd been sick all down the front of his shirt.
" I can't go home in this state " he slurred to his drinking buddy, "The last time I went home in this state my wife said 'If you ever come home like this again I'm leaving you', what shall I do?"

"Don't worry" said his friend, "this is what you do. Put £20 note in your top pocket and tell her that some drunk threw up all over you but gave you £20 for the dry cleaning".

"Brilliant!" said the drunk, and slowly made his way home.

"Good God!" exclaimed his wife, "What've you been up to?" she asked

"It was awful" said the drunk. "I was walking past a bar and a man stumbled out and threw up all over me. Look, he's given me £20 for my cleaning bill."

"That's awful", said his wife, "But what's that £50 note you're clutching in your hand?" she asked.

"That was off the man who shat in my pants"